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Showing posts from 2016

Dear dad

Dear Dad,When I was young I always had fun. I always had fun because of you, Dad. We would all visit London on Eid, going to tower hamlets for wings or green street for the famous kebabs. We were young and we didn't know much but you made it fun.I would play with your hair and pick out gray hairs you would give me a pound for pulling out lots of gray hairs. You would buy me toys and we would all visit felixstowe beach and Clacton. You did a good job Dad. You made our childhood happy, filling it with outings and family visits, we had fun.

When we moved to London, it stopped. It seemed like you were busy with work and maybe we all forgot the love you showed us when we were young. Love is not the same for everyone. Stress and pressure make a person different. Difficult. I'm sorry I didn't understand better. I'm sorry you thought we didn't love you. I'm sorry you were annoyed at how we would avoid you. I'm sorry Dad. We didn't understand your temperament. Y…

My dad

I'm sorry dad.
I'm sorry that you won't be around on my wedding day.
I'm sorry that you won't see me again.
I'm sorry I got annoyed
I'm sorry I never listened
I'm sorry I didn't try with you
I'm sorry I couldnt be a better daughter
I'm sorry I didn't talk to you enough
I'm sorry I never spoke to you about being a nurse
I'm sorry you won't see me as a nurse
I'm sorry you left
I'm sorry for the things I've said
And the ones I've never said
I'm sorry I didn't see you before you died
I'm sorry I couldn't hug you and cry
I'm sorry dad
I'm sorry

Dont talk about my friends

So lately I've been getting annoyed with people, sometimes ignoring them, maybe even having a rant. You know the usual. But i think im justified and im guessing youll agree with me. It might surprise you to know I find it easier to talk to patients with mental health issues than I do with others. I think it has something to do with the fact that mental health patients have no desier for superiority or a want to show off- they are down to earth and genuine people. Since my time on placement, I've realised all the things people told me- (its going to be scary, you cant trust them they are dangerous etc. Etc.) arent true. Mental health patients, although I can't generalise (that doesnt mean they arent its just I havent met a huge amount) are lovely people , they get agigtated sure, but thats like you and me my friend , no different. They arent actually that violent, sometimes if the voices in their heads gets too much it might make them louder and perhaps aggressive, but they…

Confidence

I didn't know starting university would be such a life changer. Maybe for any other normal young adult it wouldn't have been. But you know me, I'm not a 'normal' young adult.Ive never been even remotely confident but since starting university ive become more confident. The only thing I can think of is 1) im surrounded by confident people 2) i can deal with stress better( for the last year my sister was under a lot of stress and pressure- all the advice i gave to her, ive been using BUT i have also witnessed how she dealt with stress which impacted how i would deal with my own)3) ive stopped worrying as in i dont allow myself to think too much The biggest thing is being able to deal with stress if you can master that i honestly think youll have an easier time developing confidence.

Cross roads

Its a sad truth that I have to face and that is I have jitters from coffee. I think the reason is because I had super strong coffee in a small mug with a tiny amount of milk. This jittery feeling has reminded me of another sad reality.The sad reality is that there are times in my life when I feel ashamed or dismissive about Islam. I feel like there are times when i dont want to be reminded about Islam. I do desire to be peaceful in my religion, but right now i feel like i am not worthy because of how neglectful i am. Because of all the dismissive thoughts i have. How i feel like Islam makes everything serious and i long for a carefree life with my delusions in a fantasy world with wizards and werewolves. These jitters make me feel even worse. Its like a drug you know if you have too much strong coffee.Im sorry. I dont know who to. To God, to myself. I dont know whats going on. I just know I am in between cross roads. Crossroads with myself, with my thoughts. I am sorry. Its this darn …

Wisdom for life

Im not a fashion blogger but I do like fashion. Interesting fact for my readers who havent been around for a while, this blog was intially a fashion blog but after consideration I changed it to a lifestyle/islamic blog. So there it is, i mean ive always had a liking for fashion and today i thought id mix it up a bit and give my readers some tips/tricks for fashion styling.

1)buy essential pieces so you dont end up buying lots of random bits and bobs. Essentials from plain white shirt(cotton,chiffon whichever) basic trench/overcoat, nice flats (pointy, strappy) ((buy these from primark or newlook ((theres a sale!)they are less expensive than the current rate for nice flats, basic colour wide leg /skirts, some general hijabs. Once you have them just mix and match! You could buy a few of each of these in different colours so that way you have different arrangements.

2) i find personally newlook do nice shoes whether its heels or flats i love their range and the sizing is good for me (siz…

Meeting the 16year old me

Ive never realised how careless I was when I was 16. How one silly ignorant thought determined my future. I know its a part of my future my decisions also affect which direction (but of course the destination is confirmed by fate). I have grown I have more left(in wisdom!) and Im hoping ill be more cerebal in my decision making this time I make a life determining decision.
When I was 16 and we had started talking about colleges I was extremely excited so much so from14 or so I used it to get me through hard times in school, life you name it. When I had hardly any friends and my day was spent achingly in the library walking the halls aimlessly with nothing to do, i would think, im going to go college and itll be different ill have friends and ill enjoy myself. 
My loneliness was probably the biggest factor that made me want to go to college so bad. I idealised it so much in my head that I would sacrifice everything for it. Thats why i opted for a not so well known, average, college whe…

Dealing a Deck

Hey to the hi to hizz house,

How are you fine folks today? I dont know about you but today or even yesterday had made me realisr how much of an utterly rubbish human being I am. Being around friends, family heck in retrospect maybe even a few dramas ive come to a great realisation.

I dont deal with bad events in my life all too well (heck who does?) what i mean is i break down and sadly enough i think i victimise myself aswell as exaggerate the situation. Here I was thinking I am strapped with tools for life when the most important isnt even there! Its good in a way, learning is always good keeps us humble. Not that i need any more reasons to feel inadeqaute, but hey the more the merrier (does that even apply here?)

Its sad i always thought i knew how to deal with everything turns out theres a better way to deal with problems. It goes a little something like this keeping your head held high, not letting it affect you, continuing in your struggle and giving it your all. The biggest thi…

keeping my eyes wide open

I know I havent posted in a while the reason being I had no 'advice' or wisdom shall I say to impart. Today I came back from my sister's house- she lives in West London. It was refreshing to say the least. Its actually strange I honestly didnt even know my mind was so cloudy or bogged down. The only reason I knew was because when I came back I felt so much more happier or relieved? Whichever it was it helped.

Thats the thing I think it often happens to us all, we are so wrapped up in our lives and the constant negativity we feel its normal or rather we are so accustomed to it we know no bette how to overcome it. Its not that we dont want to sometimes we dont even know how to help ourselves.

Think to yourself. When you wake up every day how do you feel? How do you feel about challenges in your life? Do you ever feel genuinely happy? It is a sad truth that I am not always genuinely happy. But its not because im ungrateful sometimes its our minds and the constant cycle we are…

Lessons to learn

I read a book called stone cold by Robert Swindell. It was about homelessness, I have never read a book about homelessness so it was refreshing. It certainly made me think about my attitude to homelessness and question why I see it they way I do. 
I am glad I was able to see it from another perspective because although it was fiction it's very possible it's similar to those experiencing homelessness. 
Although it was a short book it made me think a lot, and it's been a long time since a book made me think. Think about my actions, the way I treat others, the way others view themselves. 
I used to think being homeless was unfortunate I have never been horrible to anyone on the streets, only sceptical.  The reason being, there are many people who scam others for addiction and extra money, and this over time has made me sceptical to majority of the people asking for money. Aswell as the worry that if I give some ill be followed or hassled for more.
Despite this the book has made me…

Busy bee

I'm not the best writer but maybe if I put more effort into it id be a bit better. I tutor in English so I should really have better grammar but who cares. Anyway I wanted to share some advice for Ramadan.
In Ramadan I usually feel very sluggish and tired which means I do very little. But recently I've been doing a lot and being a hell of a lot more productive. I try to wake early and do some cleaning, do a bit of theory revision and studying for nursing (I rarely do this I always feel like an hour or two of work a day is me done for the day)   Then I'll cook. The day goes by fast like that if I'm not cooking I got out to the library or park or just anywhere really. 
I feel like when we do things with our days instead of making ourselves feel like we deserve to sit around because we are fasting, our day feels better lived and more fulfilling.
I've been doing this anyway but I've found in Ramadan it's helpful too. 
Wasalaam

To infinity and beyond

Now I'm probably one of the worst people to give advice about confidence because up until recently I had like zero self confidence. But that has been changing.
Doing these things that I'm going to mention below has really helped me develop more confidence. People who just want a bit more confidence can also benefit I hope.
First: get rid of your negative thoughts, don't allow yourself to wonder about how people will react and so on.
Second: don't think before you act! Confident people usually just do it they don't think. (Very similar to first one but it's not really negative thoughts it's just thinking in general) and don't think about it after either! 
Third: coax yourself out of your comfort zone as often as you can. Don't like sitting in crowded places? Do it! Don't like running by yourself? Do it!
Fourth: relax!! Just relax! Take a breather and calm down. Whenever you feel nervous or anxious. We are all just people at the end of the day. All jus…

Updating my Anxiety

So in recent months I've been a lot happier, for my fellow anxiety readers, I feel as though it's so much easier to feel down, as it is our own negative reasoning that makes us feel inadequate. It tells us we can't do this and we can't do that- fear driven by our worst enemy, ourselves.
However I have discovered things that have helped me and may help you too, and may help those who just need a bit more happiness in their lives. I've started giving myself routine- so I wake up early and do things like brush my hair( then try to do a hairstyle although my hair is quite short)  make my bed, pray (if need be) and have breakfast. I always try to also have two glasses of water before every meal to help me eat less and get more water. 
I try and make a different breakfast every day that's relatively healthy. So one day I might have porridge and toast along with fruit. Another day I might have tuna sandwiches and pancakes (I eat weird combinations) it makes it more fun …

Vindication of the rights of women

Since I was about 18 I've had a longing to get married. To complete 'half my deen', to be appreciated and admired. Along with idealistic expectations of love I thought marriage was so wonderful. As I grew up I focused more on the messes I created in my life, but now at 20 the topic of marriage has arisen once again, my mum tells me in three or four years time we can start looking for a husband. 
And at first I was open to it, I didn't mind, shamefully I still had unrealistic expectations of marriage. But then I took a good look at those around me who had been married, men around me. And I realised for me, marriage was not the best thing.
You already know it's a been a year since I've been coping with my anxiety and I can proudly say I'm doing well, but I don't want to just do well I want to be great. I want to be a confident young woman who achieves things, who makes a difference, and marriage can't help me with that im afraid. 
I have a desire to volu…

Sorry for what?

For people who are extremely apologetic, anxious, or just soft natured people I just want to say: you're great! We need amazing people like yourselves in this horrid world! 
But amazing as you are... Stop being sorry for everything. I was reading a story about a guy who knew a woman who felt like she should be sorry for everything. When anything bad happened at work she said sorry (it wasn't even her fault) when someone hurt themselves she said sorry. And what that did was make her extremely low in her esteem: she blamed herself for everything, naturally it makes a person feel down and change the way they see themselves. So no don't be sorry all the time! 
Being sorry all the time makes it hard to stand up for yourself, so if you were in a situation where someone is wronging you ,you wouldn't say anything because you're always sorry. 
Just the other day a guy was really impatient and while I was topping my oyster up he said 'the machine is gonna go you know' an…

Flying with Geese

I was watching an informational video about geese today. It talked of how geese fly together; how when one is hurt, two geese stay behind to look after it. And when they are flying the ones behind honk to motivate and encourage the others to keep going. 
It's so weird how animals can have more sense than humans. And animals can't reflect or ponder like us, yet they can understand the importance of helping one another. In society it seems like no one wants to help eachother anymore- we all tend to look out for ourselves. It's fine, it's fair I suppose: we don't rely on others and we don't get disappointed.
But I think it shouldn't be that we walk on others to get to places or would deny others help if they needed or wanted it from us. 

Letting go

Letting go isn't easy- sometimes we don't let go but circumstances are such that we are forced to. 
I suppose over the past couple of months I realised absence does really help with letting go. Moving on with your life, yeah you still remember sometimes but you just keep going. That's what I feel like I'm doing, I'm just moving. I just have to keep going. Even if I don't want to, even if I'm not ready.
After a while you come to a time when you can look back and laugh at how things have changed, how much you've changed. 
A lot of the time I feel like I'm in a bubble surrounded by words around me trying to define me and people just zooming past like a scene in a American high school movie where the new kid is walking past tons of students not knowing what's going on. 
I suppose when you let go- you feel slightly lost, displaced.
(I was just thinking about some stuff, I don't know if I made sense, sorry)

Nars Bars: Video

Very interesting video below discussing narcissism and Instagram, he also discusses narcissism in general which in today's society is very important. What I found particularly intriguing was that he said narcissism has always existed and it has not suddenly materialised, which often we can forget- blaming social media for our self-absorption when in fact the tools of own self obsession have merely changed in accordance with the technological advances in society.

At the end of the video he says that it is more worthwhile to post things that you have created or something that is identified with you to help to value yourself, rather than being valued by your face(which is no talent im afraid) . I also think that it is important to stop identifying things and products as a means to value or being accepted in society, because it is not these things that make up ourselves rather our character and personality. That being said it is not bad to want to be acknowledged for things you have m…

Solace

I'm tellin  you , it's this world it does funny things t you, messes with yo head. And that's why you gotta find solace.
Solace in God, fool! Don't be talking about no stay gram or cult. God is thee only one that gone help you out of your mess! 
Don't be kiddin' yoself thinkin' 'ahh Joseph gone come round' and help me outta' this rut' naw damn well he aint! only God gone be there when life gets drawn out thin, you think Joseph gone be there when you die, fool? Don't be living and dyin by yo friends,
Listen to yo old grandpa, when he say I been living for a long time na, and I learnt the world makes you think funny old things, things you would never think before , things like I ain't pretty no more or that girl is betterr than me. Or my frend is my worl'. Things no sane person would think! You hear?
Even Things like the colour of my skinn determines my worth naw you see? This world it messes you UP. It gets inside yo skin and digs it …

What I've learnt from my Dad

Dads like every human being are flawed. They have good traits and bad and for a long time I only saw the bad but recently I've been thinking about the good... 
First off let me say, he was born in Bangladesh so when he came to Britian he had to work for everything he has now. I think every ethnic minority (or even European) knows what I mean, our families have worked so hard to build a life here, in famous ' london'. 
This work ethic is still as strong as ever. And I admire it, he's constantly working and he will do the best at his job. And the thing with my Dad is, he doesn't have pride or embarrassment in anything he does, whatever situation he's in, he'll take the responsibility and do it. I think that's admirable and I also think British (Bengali) guys lack this, the strong work ethic, the social responsibility, understanding a 'mans' role or what have you.
We are all so selfish and caught up in our own lives we don't have time or we don…

Abuse in Marriage and Islam

Abuse in relationships, how much do we really know? What is our understanding of it? For a long time, I used to think that women or men who are subject to abuse in relationships are at fault, as they are the ones staying in a relationship where they are being abused. How naive and ignorant I feel now. Those who experience rape or assault aren't at fault are they? They are victims and no one would blame them would they?
In the same way someone being abused in a relationship is not at fault. I think this is a common misconception in society as my friend was explaining to me how she used to think this too. In society I feel there are so many misconceptions and ignorance around many topics such abuse in relationships. 
It's hard to imagine what it's like if you have never been through abuse yourself, so therefore I can understand (I use these very loosely) why people might think this, but it is important to understand the mindset and thought process of someone being abused befor…

Lying awake at night

Assalaamualaikum,
Today I was talking to my friend, she's a student nurse, and I often ask for her help and advice on nursing as she is a first year student. Just the other day she was at her placement where she had to shroud a patient and comfort them in their last moments. 
Just thinking about it, made me slightly paralysed. Being in the presence of death must have been so overwhelming, not only that but comforting someone in that position. I admire her a lot for being able to do that, and I hope one day I can do it for someone. It's definitely a life changing experience, but so amazing. How amazing is it to be the last words a person hears before they leave this world? It's hard, undoubtedly. But helping someone like that is so truly amazing. 
I've asked her to write a post about it and she has agreed so something very insightful to watch out for! 
Wasalaam

I believe in you

This image is from Rocky Balbao's speech. It's so inspirational and motivates you to pick yourself up from life's struggles. I think it makes you realise that your struggle may be different to others, but nonetheless everyone has struggled and in that sense we are the same, in a society where we have so much that makes us different it is important to realise we all have to struggle to get far. Often we think struggle means weakness, and that once you get hit that's it. But it's not about the struggle it's about how you react, how you deal with it, and no one is going to be there to tell you did well. You need to tell yourself you did well, you did well for getting into college. You did well for facing your fears. It's about self acceptance not society's acceptance, that's when you'll realise your own success. Self assertion is key in your own success and feeling confident in yourself. I always advocate being strong and making yourself proud. Mee…

My Kdrama Addiction

Well I just watched another Kdrama and it gave me some perspective on life. When I was in my second year of college I was introduced to Kdramas- my first one was Boys Over Flowers, for all you Kdrama addicts you'd know what I'm talking about. Unbelievably cheesy and over the top yet I loved it, I was totally addicted staying up till the depths of the night watching it. And I know from my friends I'm not the only one who did this. So as the story goes, I got used to Romantic comedy Kdrama clichés but I loved it all the same. I'll outline the reasons why I liked Kdramas so much:
1) It was so cheesy and unrealistic it was almost an alternate universe to my own  2) it was a different culture one which I knew nothing about but began to as I watched more 3) it was a bonding activity (I could talk about it with my friends) 4) it is so dramatic and over the top piling on cliché(love triangle, heir falling for poor girl...you know the drill) on cliché, as well as melodrama in every…

Inspo me to Worko

Inspiration 
Let me ask you, who's your inspiration?
Motivation
... And your motivation?
Drive 
... And let's not forget drive?
Endless words I could ask you including determination, passion, ambition, the list is infinite!
What makes you want to achieve great and big things? Makes you reach up to the sky and take a chunk of the sky out? Makes you live way up in the golden castle of clouds?
Is there anything? Is it survival? I've never been a person who's been extremely motivated, or driven. I just do what I do. I've always lacked self confidence but I believe I gain more everyday since I've acknowledged it.
My sister was talking to me about how she has a little voice in her head that tells her to go further, to keep going and never stop. The voice that holds high expectations of her makes her want to prove herself. (To herself...)



I think we all need that, we need drive to push ourselves, to be better, because I'm telling you, yeah you. You could be a hell of a lot b…

Little things add up

Something I realised a while ago but forgot to write down, is that little sins eventually turn into a big sin. 
Let's say for example you pray and engage in daily worship, heck you don't just do it, you like doing it. But then you still occasionally talk to guys in class, you guys sometimes hang out, although there's no feelings or whatever you wann say you do feel a little bad at times.
What is so IMPORTANT , is that you cut off all sins. No matter how small, you should stop. I'm telling you even if you hold no feelings, you either will, or they will, or some drama or another will arise form this friendship, for the sake of Allah leave it. 
You don't realise how all these little sins build up, and eventually turn into one big sin. So avoid it, be strict with yourself and don't think 'it's harmless'.
Wasalaam

It's not only the little things

As I've mentioned a lot, I believe it's important to be less excited about the Dunya and more about Islam, there are a number of ways you can do this.
Firstly by getting excited about things in Islam. Like Friday's- (yes it's the end of the week) but it's also Jummah and a day where we should try to make lots of dua to Allah particularly between asr and Maghreb. Also a good day to groom ourselves and givecharity -a day solely for contemplation.
Also how about optional fasting I think this helps you to be more grateful about small things because you are grateful for food and you are more conscious of Allah. 
Attending talks aswell as reading Islamic books that are thought provoking, keeping yourself busy with exercise as well as maybe brushing up on tajweed.
The sole aim is to make yourself happier with simple things. Simple things from Islam, that way you are more appreciative. 
I am aware it is more easier to talk about when you have free time on your hands. But if you…

Some smelling dwelling

So I realised that over time it got harder to practise Islam, not like the basics but to really perfect my character. I realised that this was inevitable,( as I already talked about ) but I also realised that to help perfect my character I needed motivation and a good mood to which there are many different therapies for.
Like pets, pets are said to be therapeutic and as a Muslim the only one that comes to mind is a cat but as my brother really hates cats I don't know if I'll be allowed maybe when I get married... 
Also I've found babies are quite calming and relaxing- usually helps with my mood. As well as the use of incense and scented candles like the other day I bought a jasmine and gardenia candle and it smells divine and it honestly does help me feel more positive. I also bought lemon lavender and Kilimanjaro stars (fresh mountain smell) candles from Yankee Candles. I love anything that smells natural or fresh.
I also bought a few oils. Like Ylang ylang and miroamia? Oil…

Detach-Destruct

Often I try to think of ways to begin a post without it being too forced. But then me even thinking about it is a little forced...
Well anyway I've been thinking about this Dunya and how easy it is to be attached to it. Not even in an overt way like being money driven or obsessed with fashion but even like possessive over your things- that to me is attached to the Dunya.
What I mean is we should get to a point where we have no 'belongings' they are ours of course but we have no sadness when we lose them or even if someone else wants them. 
I believe when you truly detach yourself from everything, items, aspirations and so on you feel more able to concentrate on Allah. That is not to say we can't like having things or having aspirations but we should feel no regret not having them because Allah should be enough. 
It's just reliance on God really, when you have nothing you can't leave- you are really a stranger in this world aren't you? And we are meant to be str…