Tuesday, 29 November 2016

Dear dad

Dear Dad,

When I was young I always had fun. I always had fun because of you, Dad. We would all visit London on Eid, going to tower hamlets for wings or green street for the famous kebabs. We were young and we didn't know much but you made it fun.

I would play with your hair and pick out gray hairs you would give me a pound for pulling out lots of gray hairs. You would buy me toys and we would all visit felixstowe beach and Clacton. You did a good job Dad. You made our childhood happy, filling it with outings and family visits, we had fun.

When we moved to London, it stopped. It seemed like you were busy with work and maybe we all forgot the love you showed us when we were young. Love is not the same for everyone. Stress and pressure make a person different. Difficult. I'm sorry I didn't understand better. I'm sorry you thought we didn't love you. I'm sorry you were annoyed at how we would avoid you. I'm sorry Dad.

We didn't understand your temperament. You had a lot going on and we didn't understand. I love you, Dad. You tried your best in everything and you showed me how to work hard. You never gave up. You were strong and courageous more brave than I. I always looked at you and thought my dad is so confident. And he doesn't even know English properly.

I want to be confident like you Dad. I'm glad you were proud that I was becoming a nurse. I'm sorry you worked so hard all your life and you never got to rest. You never had your retirement which you deserved. I'm sorry you never got to go back home and rest. I'm sorry you never got to enjoy your life properly.

I know you were a good man. There were things that everyone has done, that make us bad people. But we are not bad souls. I pray your soul is happy. I pray your soul finds peace in the grave and the grave is wide and filled with light. I pray your Allah forgives you of all of your sins. I love you so much Dad, I know I never showed it, but I did.

From your loving Daughter

My dad

I'm sorry dad.
I'm sorry that you won't be around on my wedding day.
I'm sorry that you won't see me again.
I'm sorry I got annoyed
I'm sorry I never listened
I'm sorry I didn't try with you
I'm sorry I couldnt be a better daughter
I'm sorry I didn't talk to you enough
I'm sorry I never spoke to you about being a nurse
I'm sorry you won't see me as a nurse
I'm sorry you left
I'm sorry for the things I've said
And the ones I've never said
I'm sorry I didn't see you before you died
I'm sorry I couldn't hug you and cry
I'm sorry dad
I'm sorry

Wednesday, 16 November 2016

Dont talk about my friends

So lately I've been getting annoyed with people, sometimes ignoring them, maybe even having a rant. You know the usual. But i think im justified and im guessing youll agree with me.

It might surprise you to know I find it easier to talk to patients with mental health issues than I do with others. I think it has something to do with the fact that mental health patients have no desier for superiority or a want to show off- they are down to earth and genuine people.

Since my time on placement, I've realised all the things people told me- (its going to be scary, you cant trust them they are dangerous etc. Etc.) arent true. Mental health patients, although I can't generalise (that doesnt mean they arent its just I havent met a huge amount) are lovely people , they get agigtated sure, but thats like you and me my friend , no different. They arent actually that violent, sometimes if the voices in their heads gets too much it might make them louder and perhaps aggressive, but they aren't bad or crazy human beings as everyone likes to think so.

While we are on that, what does crazy even mean. That word is always used negatively when describing mental health patients, and I wonder why? Why do we surround ourselves in ignorance in 21st century society, sure you might not be able to find out but atleast be open minded, dont stigmatise groups of people because of a health condition which if i might add is possible for anyone to develop (mental health is 1in 4 i believe).

People say they are open minded but then i get comments like, oh my isnt it scary? Or wow youre doing a tough job. And you know what it really gets on my nerves, because I actually prefer mental health patients over 'normal people' because they aren't like that, mental health patients are so much more open minded and humble (obviously not all of them but compared to some people I know which is ironic considering how they are viewed). I cant go on enough about the good qualities I have seen in numerous mental health patients.

I try my best to clear up misunderstandings with people who have no idea what mental health is, and denounce it to a single word like 'crazy'. But sometimes I get really annoyed and I might not even bother talking to them. You see they arent just mental health patients anymore-theyre more like friends. (Albeit i have to leave them or theyll leave me at some point, but do you see what I mean, as in equals) and when you see people as your friends they are no longer a detachment to you, so therefore I do get angry, because I care about them and I dont like anyone talking bad about my friends. So dont do it.

Thursday, 29 September 2016


I didn't know starting university would be such a life changer. Maybe for any other normal young adult it wouldn't have been. But you know me, I'm not a 'normal' young adult.

Ive never been even remotely confident but since starting university ive become more confident. The only thing I can think of is 1) im surrounded by confident people 2) i can deal with stress better( for the last year my sister was under a lot of stress and pressure- all the advice i gave to her, ive been using BUT i have also witnessed how she dealt with stress which impacted how i would deal with my own)3) ive stopped worrying as in i dont allow myself to think too much

The biggest thing is being able to deal with stress if you can master that i honestly think youll have an easier time developing confidence.

Saturday, 17 September 2016

Cross roads

Its a sad truth that I have to face and that is I have jitters from coffee. I think the reason is because I had super strong coffee in a small mug with a tiny amount of milk. This jittery feeling has reminded me of another sad reality.

The sad reality is that there are times in my life when I feel ashamed or dismissive about Islam. I feel like there are times when i dont want to be reminded about Islam. I do desire to be peaceful in my religion, but right now i feel like i am not worthy because of how neglectful i am. Because of all the dismissive thoughts i have. How i feel like Islam makes everything serious and i long for a carefree life with my delusions in a fantasy world with wizards and werewolves.

These jitters make me feel even worse. Its like a drug you know if you have too much strong coffee.

Im sorry. I dont know who to. To God, to myself. I dont know whats going on. I just know I am in between cross roads. Crossroads with myself, with my thoughts. I am sorry.

Its this darn coffee. Actually who am i kidding. Its me. Eternally conflicated.

Wednesday, 31 August 2016

Wisdom for life

Im not a fashion blogger but I do like fashion. Interesting fact for my readers who havent been around for a while, this blog was intially a fashion blog but after consideration I changed it to a lifestyle/islamic blog. So there it is, i mean ive always had a liking for fashion and today i thought id mix it up a bit and give my readers some tips/tricks for fashion styling.

1)buy essential pieces so you dont end up buying lots of random bits and bobs. Essentials from plain white shirt(cotton,chiffon whichever) basic trench/overcoat, nice flats (pointy, strappy) ((buy these from primark or newlook ((theres a sale!)they are less expensive than the current rate for nice flats, basic colour wide leg /skirts, some general hijabs. Once you have them just mix and match! You could buy a few of each of these in different colours so that way you have different arrangements.

2) i find personally newlook do nice shoes whether its heels or flats i love their range and the sizing is good for me (size 3) they also always have a wide range compared to other stores. Specifically i go to the westfield one! Primark in ilford also have a good range of shoes but only shoes anything else is not good.As for jackets/overcoats boohoo have a nice range of the ones everyone is wearing but its not as cheap looking as the market ones. As for hijabs i like chiffon so inayah or florinaboutique is good. They have a few in ilford mall i cant remember where exactly but they have it in the scarf stall (its quite long). But you could also just buy georgette material from markets and wear them. Alternatively just buy the ones from whitechapel market. For shirts,trousers etc. My sister recommends primark in romford they have a wider range that usually have a lot more than the other east london branches. Lastly, blazers. The best blazers in my opinon you can find are in forever 21.

3) to change the way you wear a shirt tuck in one side and leave other out. Or tuck it all in and make it loose by pulling some out. Or even tie the front up in a knot. Wear a tshirt undearneath and dont do the buttons up on the shirt (more casual)

4) add heels to any look to make it look more dressy.

... Yeah i dont have anymore.

       I thought i had more when i first started writing guess not. Anyway ill leave you with this exciting information. Ciao

Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Meeting the 16year old me

Ive never realised how careless I was when I was 16. How one silly ignorant thought determined my future. I know its a part of my future my decisions also affect which direction (but of course the destination is confirmed by fate). I have grown I have more left(in wisdom!) and Im hoping ill be more cerebal in my decision making this time I make a life determining decision.

When I was 16 and we had started talking about colleges I was extremely excited so much so from14 or so I used it to get me through hard times in school, life you name it. When I had hardly any friends and my day was spent achingly in the library walking the halls aimlessly with nothing to do, i would think, im going to go college and itll be different ill have friends and ill enjoy myself. 

My loneliness was probably the biggest factor that made me want to go to college so bad. I idealised it so much in my head that I would sacrifice everything for it. Thats why i opted for a not so well known, average, college when I could have applied for better instituitons. I couldve but I didnt because I thought those colleges dont let you have fun, I cant be miserable again i already went through years of loneliness. 

So hell bent on having a good time i chose my own destruction. It was that college that distracted me from studying (of course with the friends i made there). I wish I hadnt tried to cure my loneliness with people or even been so affected by being 'seen as a loner' that i went to such measures.

Its odd isnt it? The things we lack, the things we are insecure about usually fuel us to make sure it doesnt happen again but for me personally its always too far. So I wanted to say , 'Hey, its okay, dont worry, youve grown. Youre strong and youre doing so well. Im so proud. Slow down, you are great i am telling you no matter what anyone says you dont need to prove yourself to anyone. You have the power to how you see yourself!' 

Yes that was a message to myself but to all others who have been insecure,lacked something in their life and then tried to make up for it later on. Lets all be strong and help eachother. Ive learnt something else too, i dont really expect help i dont mind helping others but the truth is whether we like or not, we cant rely on others. Even in my depression and anxiety, I went through mental difficulties which I overcame by myself. My family did support me but ultimately it was me.

Saturday, 27 August 2016

Dealing a Deck

Hey to the hi to hizz house,

How are you fine folks today? I dont know about you but today or even yesterday had made me realisr how much of an utterly rubbish human being I am. Being around friends, family heck in retrospect maybe even a few dramas ive come to a great realisation.

I dont deal with bad events in my life all too well (heck who does?) what i mean is i break down and sadly enough i think i victimise myself aswell as exaggerate the situation. Here I was thinking I am strapped with tools for life when the most important isnt even there! Its good in a way, learning is always good keeps us humble. Not that i need any more reasons to feel inadeqaute, but hey the more the merrier (does that even apply here?)

Its sad i always thought i knew how to deal with everything turns out theres a better way to deal with problems. It goes a little something like this keeping your head held high, not letting it affect you, continuing in your struggle and giving it your all. The biggest thing is learning, learning how to deal with everything. My friend told me learning to deal with problems is a bit like the beginning of our transition into adulthood, therefore adulthood i salute you.

I admire it, you know the way some are so expertly able to deal with things in a way that comes so naturally, i admire that my friends in fact have harder struggles than me but are happier than me. It gives you hope and courage that one day youll be able to be like them.

Sunday, 21 August 2016

keeping my eyes wide open

I know I havent posted in a while the reason being I had no 'advice' or wisdom shall I say to impart. Today I came back from my sister's house- she lives in West London. It was refreshing to say the least. Its actually strange I honestly didnt even know my mind was so cloudy or bogged down. The only reason I knew was because when I came back I felt so much more happier or relieved? Whichever it was it helped.

Thats the thing I think it often happens to us all, we are so wrapped up in our lives and the constant negativity we feel its normal or rather we are so accustomed to it we know no bette how to overcome it. Its not that we dont want to sometimes we dont even know how to help ourselves.

Think to yourself. When you wake up every day how do you feel? How do you feel about challenges in your life? Do you ever feel genuinely happy? It is a sad truth that I am not always genuinely happy. But its not because im ungrateful sometimes its our minds and the constant cycle we are feeding. We need to break it. How?

Do things that scare you. Theme parks, leading a project but..
 It doesnt have to be big. As funny as it may sound watching a scary movie helps me. Thats probably why I am a bit of a horror addict.

Connect with Nature. Its so important to just see nature. Theres so much profound beauty in nature its unbelievable. I like watching the water move in lakes and seas. I like watching flames too, i could sit there for hours just watching.

Indulge in your personality. What i mean by that is if you are an introvert, take time alone. ( i can help you out there im hugely introverted) whether its reading or going cinemas alone do what makes you happy, what gives you peace of mind. But if youre an extrovert maybe organise a get together hang out with loved ones have a meaningful conversation with someone. Whatever you feel comfortable with.

Take a week to just relax dont do any chores or bogged down serious stuff just have fun. I mean it you deserve a break, you might think youre okay but youre subconscious disagrees with you!

Stop thinking so much (in regards to responsibilities, stresses, and whatever takes up your thoughts)and if you dont already, well done! Im super happy for you!

Try and do headstands(do it with caution and learn how to do it the right way using step by step guides) they are good for digestion, blood flow and relieving stress and anxiety!(i started today will let you know how it goes!)

Dont bottle up your anger (this is more for introverts) that is not to say release it on whom so ever treads in your path but release through other means
 Whether you rant to a friend, or cry about it, or even write about it, do it! But ive found talking about it helps. You could do all of them! Karaoke is good for that aswell I suppose sing away your anger!(in your worst voice!)

Start doing things for yourself as well as for others!its important we remember ourselves but also others.

Lastly think carefully about the direction of your life. Are you going where you want to? If you are not, think about how you change that.

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Lessons to learn

I read a book called stone cold by Robert Swindell. It was about homelessness, I have never read a book about homelessness so it was refreshing. It certainly made me think about my attitude to homelessness and question why I see it they way I do. 

I am glad I was able to see it from another perspective because although it was fiction it's very possible it's similar to those experiencing homelessness. 

Although it was a short book it made me think a lot, and it's been a long time since a book made me think. Think about my actions, the way I treat others, the way others view themselves. 

I used to think being homeless was unfortunate I have never been horrible to anyone on the streets, only sceptical. 
The reason being, there are many people who scam others for addiction and extra money, and this over time has made me sceptical to majority of the people asking for money. Aswell as the worry that if I give some ill be followed or hassled for more.

Despite this the book has made me consider a few things  1) my perceptions are good for me but ultimately effect the person who is rejected, with this perception I keep myself in a bubble with no want to help others 2) I am shutting out the people who may really need help 3) a pound or ten pence can make a difference to someone homeless 
4) the people who need help are not at fault, and neither are the people who are addicted it's a dog eat dog world although I don't want to fuel an addiction , it's important to realise people are people we all need love and understanding (not to say I should give money for addiction I'm just saying) And therefore they shouldn't be judged.

I felt sad at the end of the book because Link doesn't get off the streets and stupidly we expect a happy ending because it's a fiction book, but the reality is it doesn't happen, once homeless it's hard to get off without help. Without support, without being clean or help from
The government how do people get jobs or a place to stay? What if the government decide you don't meet the requirement  for support because you 'made yourself homeless'.

What exactly does 'make yourself homeless' mean? What if you live in an abusive household and you run away? Is that really a choice? As a child you receive help but what if you don't know where to go? What if you get evicted because of a drug addiction? Addictions are hard to overcome without the proper help and support. See these government guidelines are black and white and they don't look at the grey, and this where problems happen.

I think even when I'm on the train and I see beggars I don't look down on them, no, god no. I think ...it's a hard life, but then it's harsh, ignoring homeless people like they don't exist. It's sad. And we should acknowledge it. Hiding from it doesn't solve it. We are all afraid of being fooled. I think we all think like that, we are all sceptics , it's this rational world. World of 'science' with our evolved thinking and our street smarts, 'we know they're liars '.

But before we run off with our revolutionarised thoughts it might be good to think about all the positives caring and kindness does as much as cautiousness and knowing your stuff is good it makes us heartless too, now in this world, heartlessness gets money but not happiness. Give me a million pounds and I would reject it for happiness and I can guarantee you would too. 

So how about this, how about maybe we give them a chance, maybe find out before we judge, I'm not exception I need some courage too, because I'm shy I don't ask, I suppose I assume, but one assumption can lead to generalisations and they re never good.

One act follows many, and so I hope we can all get courage to care more and grow with the people we live with, in this scary world. And maybe we can all get a little bit of happiness. 

Monday, 13 June 2016

Busy bee

I'm not the best writer but maybe if I put more effort into it id be a bit better. I tutor in English so I should really have better grammar but who cares. Anyway I wanted to share some advice for Ramadan.

In Ramadan I usually feel very sluggish and tired which means I do very little. But recently I've been doing a lot and being a hell of a lot more productive. I try to wake early and do some cleaning, do a bit of theory revision and studying for nursing (I rarely do this I always feel like an hour or two of work a day is me done for the day)   Then I'll cook. The day goes by fast like that if I'm not cooking I got out to the library or park or just anywhere really. 

I feel like when we do things with our days instead of making ourselves feel like we deserve to sit around because we are fasting, our day feels better lived and more fulfilling.

I've been doing this anyway but I've found in Ramadan it's helpful too. 


Saturday, 11 June 2016

To infinity and beyond

Now I'm probably one of the worst people to give advice about confidence because up until recently I had like zero self confidence. But that has been changing.

Doing these things that I'm going to mention below has really helped me develop more confidence. People who just want a bit more confidence can also benefit I hope.

First: get rid of your negative thoughts, don't allow yourself to wonder about how people will react and so on.

Second: don't think before you act! Confident people usually just do it they don't think. (Very similar to first one but it's not really negative thoughts it's just thinking in general) and don't think about it after either! 

Third: coax yourself out of your comfort zone as often as you can. Don't like sitting in crowded places? Do it! Don't like running by yourself? Do it!

Fourth: relax!! Just relax! Take a breather and calm down. Whenever you feel nervous or anxious. We are all just people at the end of the day. All just people. 

Fifth: take little steps! And don't ever beat yourself up about something you didn't do for example you wanted to talk to the stranger but you didn't! So what! Another day! 

Sixth: realise that people think less about you than you think about yourself! Honestly!!

Last one: appreciate and believe in yourself. Stand up for your beliefs and don't doubt yourself! You are confident! You are beautiful! 

Life is so much better lived when you're not scared all the time. When you're just living and relaxing. (Most people aren't scared I suppose it was just me hahha) 

Monday, 6 June 2016

Updating my Anxiety

So in recent months I've been a lot happier, for my fellow anxiety readers, I feel as though it's so much easier to feel down, as it is our own negative reasoning that makes us feel inadequate. It tells us we can't do this and we can't do that- fear driven by our worst enemy, ourselves.

However I have discovered things that have helped me and may help you too, and may help those who just need a bit more happiness in their lives. I've started giving myself routine- so I wake up early and do things like brush my hair( then try to do a hairstyle although my hair is quite short)  make my bed, pray (if need be) and have breakfast. I always try to also have two glasses of water before every meal to help me eat less and get more water. 

I try and make a different breakfast every day that's relatively healthy. So one day I might have porridge and toast along with fruit. Another day I might have tuna sandwiches and pancakes (I eat weird combinations) it makes it more fun for me I suppose. And then I usually clean and get cooking.

Now when I cook I usually wear an apron just for fun. I think for people who are depressed or anxious routine really helps it gives you stability and motivation. I've also tried to do more things I enjoy like going library wearing cute tops at home (it's the little things!!) and generally keep myself busy. 

I've also started reaching towards m goals, my own personal ones. And I've read for people with anxiety it's good to do this, to try and meet you own goals to make yourself feel like you're doing well. For me I needed to start my theory and I put it off for ages but I just thought no I'm going to do it and so I started revising for it.

What I also did is anytime anything freaked me out or I felt pressured in any way- I had a little talk with myself. Like calm the hell down its not a big deal! 

But the most important thing I have done is changing my mentality and erasing negative thoughts. Anytime I start thinking I can't do this, or what if they think this I just say no! And I just think I can I can. We don't realise it but our subconscious has a huge hold on our we react to events in our daily lives. The way our minds operates is undoubtedly affected by our attitudes. You just have to believe in yourself! And you have to be strict really strict! Never let bad thoughts in they don't go away! Only positive ! 

And of course rely on God and pray he makes it easy for you.

P.s Ramadan Mubarak! 

Saturday, 4 June 2016

Vindication of the rights of women

ISince I was about 18 I've had a longing to get married. To complete 'half my seen', to be appreciated and admired. Along with idealistic expectations of love I thought marriage was so wonderful. As I grew up I focused more on the messes I created in my life, but now at 20 the topic of marriage has arisen once again, my mum tells me in three or four years time we can start looking for a husband. 

And at first I was open to it, I didn't mind, shamefully I still had unrealistic expectations of marriage. But then I took a good look at those around me who had been married, men around me. And I realised for me, marriage was not the best thing.

You already know it's a been a year since I've been coping with my anxiety and I can proudly say I'm doing well, but I don't want to just do well I want to be great. I want to be a confident young woman who achieves things, who makes a difference, and marriage can't help me with that im afraid. 

I have a desire to volunteer abroad to study abroad to experience life's challenges! I want to live independently, I don't want to be confined by my culture or by a man. I don't want a man to tell me I can't do this I can't do that, because I honestly don't need that, I need can in my life, I need keep going. 

I need to be happy with myself, and I am but I have so much more to do. What I've realised is men are usually very happy to control and excercise power over women but don't like it when it's about them. I'm sorry but I don't need that in my life- I don't need someone dictating my every move. I don't need to constantly attend to his needs.

I'm not about the life where I am his housemaid, don't get me wrong I love being a homemaker just not with a husband involved. I hate the idea of stereotypical roles- women should empower themselves! Work on yourself, it's the greatest investment, investing time into another person is risky- there's a risk they can leave you. 

There's a piece that mary woolenstonecraft wrote about women involving marriage titled a vindication the rights of women and it's superb! It basically talks at length about women's right in society- poltically, morally, socially and so on. She hits the nail on the head what is funny is even in 21st century society in the Asian community among many Muslim girls we still see the end goal of our lives as marriage. We are building our lives up to that point, but why sisters? Marriage is not do or die. We have so much more in our lives! 

I'm not saying don't ever get married (how wonderful it'd be though!) but be realistic please. Be pragmatic look for things like financial stability and family - and don't always bend over backwards sacrificing thinking its in the name of religion. Having standards does not mean you are arrogant. Don't be so flimsy women! 

Just read my mate Mary's piece she is the fo shizzle. 
  How much more respectable is the woman who earns her own bread by fulfilling any duty, than the most accomplished beauty!—beauty did I say!—so sensible am I of the beauty of moral loveliness, or the harmonious propriety that attunes the passions of a well-regulated mind, that I blush at making the comparison; yet I sigh to think how few women aim at attaining this respectability by withdrawing from the giddy whirl of pleasure, or the indolent calm that stupefies the good sort of women it sucks in.

If you are confused by her style of writing as she was an 18th century writer I'll make it a bit clearer. She's simply saying women should make something more of themselves rather than relying on their beauty and give themselves greater importance- if you want a more relevant reference take Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman (I know she was a hooker) she decides at the end she wants to make something more of herself and educate herself! Or even Gilmore Girls when Rory decides that she doesn't want the guy (forgot his name) but instead wants to travel as part of her journalist thing.

This is only a small part of her vindication I'll post the link where you can find it. I know she's a feminist and activist and although I can't be a feminist really as I'm a Muslim, I still have strong tendencies towards it. It makes so much sense! 

As girls we should empower ourselves and work on ourselves rather than simply get married (as if that's helps anything!) and even if we do get married eventually we should be realistic and pragmatic and not be swept by our emotions. 

Just to let you know her book is really long but read what you can, I think I might purchase the book actually. Anyway I wanted to leave you with another quote from the book.

To persuade women to endeavour to acquire strength, both of mind and body, and to convince them that the soft phrases, susceptibility of heart, delicacy of sentiment, and refinement of taste, are almost synonimous [sic] with epithets of weaknes


Saturday, 28 May 2016

Sorry for what?

For people who are extremely apologetic, anxious, or just soft natured people I just want to say: you're great! We need amazing people like yourselves in this horrid world! 

But amazing as you are... Stop being sorry for everything.
I was reading a story about a guy who knew a woman who felt like she should be sorry for everything. When anything bad happened at work she said sorry (it wasn't even her fault) when someone hurt themselves she said sorry. And what that did was make her extremely low in her esteem: she blamed herself for everything, naturally it makes a person feel down and change the way they see themselves. So no don't be sorry all the time! 

Being sorry all the time makes it hard to stand up for yourself, so if you were in a situation where someone is wronging you ,you wouldn't say anything because you're always sorry. 

Just the other day a guy was really impatient and while I was topping my oyster up he said 'the machine is gonna go you know' and I felt it was really rude, I was just about to top up he just had to wait a bit. So I said it: I told him to wait. And for me that's weird because I don't really retaliate to people. But I realised sometimes it's needed, sometimes we shouldn't be sorry! 

Tuesday, 17 May 2016

Flying with Geese

I was watching an informational video about geese today. It talked of how geese fly together; how when one is hurt, two geese stay behind to look after it. And when they are flying the ones behind honk to motivate and encourage the others to keep going. 

It's so weird how animals can have more sense than humans. And animals can't reflect or ponder like us, yet they can understand the importance of helping one another. In society it seems like no one wants to help eachother anymore- we all tend to look out for ourselves. It's fine, it's fair I suppose: we don't rely on others and we don't get disappointed.

But I think it shouldn't be that we walk on others to get to places or would deny others help if they needed or wanted it from us. 

Monday, 16 May 2016

Letting go

Letting go isn't easy- sometimes we don't let go but circumstances are such that we are forced to. 

I suppose over the past couple of months I realised absence does really help with letting go. Moving on with your life, yeah you still remember sometimes but you just keep going. That's what I feel like I'm doing, I'm just moving. I just have to keep going. Even if I don't want to, even if I'm not ready.

After a while you come to a time when you can look back and laugh at how things have changed, how much you've changed. 

A lot of the time I feel like I'm in a bubble surrounded by words around me trying to define me and people just zooming past like a scene in a American high school movie where the new kid is walking past tons of students not knowing what's going on. 

I suppose when you let go- you feel slightly lost, displaced.

(I was just thinking about some stuff, I don't know if I made sense, sorry)

Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Nars Bars: Video

Very interesting video below discussing narcissism and Instagram, he also discusses narcissism in general which in today's society is very important. What I found particularly intriguing was that he said narcissism has always existed and it has not suddenly materialised, which often we can forget- blaming social media for our self-absorption when in fact the tools of own self obsession have merely changed in accordance with the technological advances in society.

At the end of the video he says that it is more worthwhile to post things that you have created or something that is identified with you to help to value yourself, rather than being valued by your face(which is no talent im afraid) . I also think that it is important to stop identifying things and products as a means to value or being accepted in society, because it is not these things that make up ourselves rather our character and personality. That being said it is not bad to want to be acknowledged for things you have made or achievements just too much is me good.

Also to add, while I'm not perfect I try and refrain from using social media especially Instagram. I feel it nevers help my self esteem or confidence and I feel like I am always posting things for others. I try and do things (posting, writing) for my own happiness regardless of what others think, whether or not I'm an amazing writer or even if I have good things to say, I write because I want to, and that's all the reason I need.

Tuesday, 26 April 2016


I'm tellin  you , it's this world it does funny things t you, messes with yo head. And that's why you gotta find solace.

Solace in God, fool! Don't be talking about no stay gram or cult. God is thee only one that gone help you out of your mess! 

Don't be kiddin' yoself thinkin' 'ahh Joseph gone come round' and help me outta' this rut' naw damn well he aint! only God gone be there when life gets drawn out thin, you think Joseph gone be there when you die, fool? Don't be living and dyin by yo friends,

Listen to yo old grandpa, when he say I been living for a long time na, and I learnt the world makes you think funny old things, things you would never think before , things like I ain't pretty no more or that girl is betterr than me. Or my frend is my worl'. Things no sane person would think! You hear?

Even Things like the colour of my skinn determines my worth naw you see? This world it messes you UP. It gets inside yo skin and digs it deep so you don't even know yoself, makes you think you ain't who you say you are, makes you THINK you ain't good enough. And God don't exists, that's what they won't you to think! 

Let me ask you, since you been on all that social media stagram' stuff, you like yoself? You really think much of yoself? 
You feel gooood about yoself? You spend time doing good stuff? Bein' there for yo family? 

Or you be sittin glued to your screen like it gon run away, neglect in all yo family and turnin you into a damn near robot ,a damn near insecure robot I say! 

I'm gon tell you! Comparin' yourself to no one ain't gon make you feel you good, fool! Not lookin up to see if the world is alive ain' gon earn you any friends.

Go out and see the world, use yo time. Be there for yo brother, be there!And don't be lookin at yo phone like it gon run away.  

Find yoself in God, you ain't gon find him in yo phone. If yo wanna know who you are you gotta leave yo phone by the door, you willin to put it down?

    You want the best solace in the world    it's right in yo prayer. 

Friday, 15 April 2016

What I've learnt from my Dad

Dads like every human being are flawed. They have good traits and bad and for a long time I only saw the bad but recently I've been thinking about the good... 

First off let me say, he was born in Bangladesh so when he came to Britian he had to work for everything he has now. I think every ethnic minority (or even European) knows what I mean, our families have worked so hard to build a life here, in famous ' london'. 

This work ethic is still as strong as ever. And I admire it, he's constantly working and he will do the best at his job. And the thing with my Dad is, he doesn't have pride or embarrassment in anything he does, whatever situation he's in, he'll take the responsibility and do it. I think that's admirable and I also think British (Bengali) guys lack this, the strong work ethic, the social responsibility, understanding a 'mans' role or what have you.

We are all so selfish and caught up in our own lives we don't have time or we don't make time for anything else. But I've been thinking and although I would never marry a man from Bangladesh (originally born there) who only speaks Bengali (for the obvious reasons, lack of communication, interests ) I think British Bengali guys could learn a thing or two from them.  

And maybe I could too. I lack a strong work ethic and I think my Dad has made me want one.

Saturday, 12 March 2016

Abuse in Marriage and Islam

Abuse in relationships, how much do we really know? What is our understanding of it? For a long time, I used to think that women or men who are subject to abuse in relationships are at fault, as they are the ones staying in a relationship where they are being abused. How naive and ignorant I feel now. Those who experience rape or assault aren't at fault are they? They are victims and no one would blame them would they?

In the same way someone being abused in a relationship is not at fault. I think this is a common misconception in society as my friend was explaining to me how she used to think this too. In society I feel there are so many misconceptions and ignorance around many topics such abuse in relationships. 

It's hard to imagine what it's like if you have never been through abuse yourself, so therefore I can understand (I use these very loosely) why people might think this, but it is important to understand the mindset and thought process of someone being abused before making any assumptions. 

Abuse in relationships is something that is not unknown in Islam. In fact I might say the factors such as religion, culture and society all play a part in abuse. The reason why I say this is because often stereotypes which are socialised from a young age, unknowingly can play a part in the way others interact with eachother. For example in Indian, Bengali etc. culture the man is seen as the provider and is treated like a king, he is served on hand and foot whereas the woman is the housewife attending to his needs and carrying out household duties. From a young age (even me) we are raised as girls to clean and cook, whereas boys are free to go out late and do what they like, girls are told to help and attend to the men's needs. This is reinforced by Religion, however I am not blaming religion for abuse, what I am saying is these roles in religion are misunderstood. 

The reason why I say this is because, although religion does say men are breadwinners and women can stay at home. Women are also able to help out at home if they wish, what is misunderstood is that it is a choice and not an ultimate obligation. This reinforces negative stereotypes which can lead to distorted views of male and female interaction and our understanding of male and female responsibilities. Religion and culture can also affect our understand of the way we should behave such as a man being aggressive equating to masculinity and a women being meek and shy as innocence and femininity.

A woman being shy and meek is valued in religion as virtuous and pious however this does not mean a woman who is loud and confident is immodest and shameful. These things should be understand clearly as well as the fact that women who are shy should not be encouraged to be shy and quiet in the face of abuse.  In religion as these qualities are valued often women may feel that they are practising patience by putting up with abuse but this is not the case as being patient does not mean you need to put up with everything, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness not abuse! And I know of people who believe that it is 'patience' to put up with abuse( although they've never experienced abuse) but I would not say that is true in my opinion. Let's discuss what is patience? Patience is being understanding and trusting in God when things look bleak. So let's apply that to abuse, when someone is being hurt by another human being are they to trust in God that one day they will stop? Are they to put up with in the hopes that one day they will change? Wouldn't you say that, that is placing the person in a lower position and placing that person as the centre of their lives? Shouldn't their life be about them?? Shouldn't they have confidence and respect for themselves? 

Men are not better than women and women are not better than men. We are told this in religion but then, why do men or even in some cases women distort this for their own desires? We must not conclude that this is a religious view and be clear to separate people using religion to their advantage and what religion is really saying.

 I spoke to someone who has experienced abuse in a relationship in the past. I asked them a few questions please read below.

  What does an abusive relationship mean to you? I think that an abusive relationship is to do with fear. The inability to communicate for fear of the person loving you less or even hurting you. There is a general feeling of fear of this person, they make you feel scared and intimidated, there is a lack of respect from the abuser to the victim of their feelings and thoughts. In my opinion the abuser is more concerned with power and control in the relationship rather than loving you. 

What is your understanding of Islams view of Abuse? 
I think it is largely misunderstood. Although the Quran and Sunnah encourage patience, the actuality of how it is understood amongst the Muslim community is flawed. As well as the fact that Islam discourages divorce, and encourage you to work on your marriage this is misunderstood to mean put up with anything. What I think we forget is that Islam does not say we should treat ourselves badly. It is important to value yourself and have confidence in yourself. 
The mentality instilled in men and the Islamic principles are changed to fit men's desires. I think some scholars are also to blame in this as they can often encourage women to stay in abusive relationships and say it is patience, what I think we should remember is that although we should be patient and try to make a marriage work we should not allow someone to treat us badly, that is not patience that is being treated like a doormat. Abuse in marriage is not okay and won't ever be. 

What are the forms of abuse in your eyes?Mental- where a person can change your mindset and your self perception. Emotional- where someone manipulates your emotions and can make you feel so happy but so depressed so easily. Physical- where should physically abuses you, this includes rape. *there is controversy in the Muslim community about rape in marriage but I believe rape does exist in marriage and it is not okay to force someone in sexual intimacy. I am aware there are hadiths about being cursed if you do not engage in sexual activity with your husband when he wishes, however this does not mean he can force you, if you feel uncomfortable he should be understanding and therefore be okay with it. 

What do you think is the cause of abuse in relationships?
I think it is to do with how we have been socialised. Men (or women)haven't been taught to communicate successfully especially in Asian culture, I think a misunderstanding of religion and the stereotypes reinforced by culture play a part in abuse. I also think it is to do with the abusers childhood and insecurities they have, which makes them want to have power and control over another person to help them feel better or fill those insecurities. 

Do you think certain women are more likely to experience abuse?
Not certain women, any woman can fall into an abusive relationship. There is no specific personality, I am a confident and strong woman yet I have experienced abuse and at the time I found it difficult to leave. But I do think that certain factors can make women to stay in abusive relationships, such as cultural stereotypes. Thinking women should be a certain way and believing it is okay to be abused as it is your fault. A weak bond with God, I think if you don't have a lot of reliance on God it is hard to have the strength to leave a relationship especially if you have children, leaving stability and comfort when you may not have a career or home, or even the thought of so much change can scare you and if you don't have faith that God is with you and will help you, it may mean you don't leave. (In some cases women or men may think they are wrong to leave anyway, and God wouldn't help them). Another thing I think can make someone stay in abusive relationship is, if someone is insecure in themselves, when someone is insecure and they are receiving 'love' from the abuser even if it's once, the person may think that there is hope and they will latch on to that hope even if they are being abused. Seeing the good in someone I suppose. 

I have kept the person anonymous as they have asked me to do so. I am aware this is a very sensitive topic and I know everyone has different views on it, but I do not think abuse is acceptable ever. And no one should put up with it. I don't know if I have done a good enough job on the concerns about abuse in marriage regarding Islam, but I hope I have. If anyone is being abused it is important to remember that you deserve kindness and respect. You do not deserve abuse and you are not at fault. You are a good person, and you should feel confident in yourself, because you are beautiful. There some helplines for domestic abuse which I have posted below: 

0808 2000 247 - national domestic violence helpline


This is for UK but I am sure there are sites and helplines for whichever country you are living in. If you do not want it to appear in your history there is private browsing available. For the national helpline I have posted, the number does not show up on phone bills for most networks but you may have to check with your provider as far as I know calls made on BT, o2, Virgin and 3 will not show up. 

Wednesday, 9 March 2016

Lying awake at night


Today I was talking to my friend, she's a student nurse, and I often ask for her help and advice on nursing as she is a first year student. Just the other day she was at her placement where she had to shroud a patient and comfort them in their last moments. 

Just thinking about it, made me slightly paralysed. Being in the presence of death must have been so overwhelming, not only that but comforting someone in that position. I admire her a lot for being able to do that, and I hope one day I can do it for someone. It's definitely a life changing experience, but so amazing. How amazing is it to be the last words a person hears before they leave this world? It's hard, undoubtedly. But helping someone like that is so truly amazing. 

I've asked her to write a post about it and she has agreed so something very insightful to watch out for! 


Tuesday, 8 March 2016

I believe in you

This image is from Rocky Balbao's speech. It's so inspirational and motivates you to pick yourself up from life's struggles. I think it makes you realise that your struggle may be different to others, but nonetheless everyone has struggled and in that sense we are the same, in a society where we have so much that makes us different it is important to realise we all have to struggle to get far. Often we think struggle means weakness, and that once you get hit that's it. But it's not about the struggle it's about how you react, how you deal with it, and no one is going to be there to tell you did well. You need to tell yourself you did well, you did well for getting into college. You did well for facing your fears. It's about self acceptance not society's acceptance, that's when you'll realise your own success. Self assertion is key in your own success and feeling confident in yourself. I always advocate being strong and making yourself proud. Meeting expectations for yourself and no one else. 

 I didn't realise this for a long time. For a long time I wanted others to think I am successful. And I never felt happy with myself. I always felt inadequate. Raising expectations for others might help you sometimes but it is not sustainable because ultimately you're not trying to make yourself happy, after all who's opinion matters more, your own, or society's? 

(This is not to be taken to an extremity , self appreciation is so important but not above God) 

Friday, 4 March 2016

My Kdrama Addiction

Well I just watched another Kdrama and it gave me some perspective on life. When I was in my second year of college I was introduced to Kdramas- my first one was Boys Over Flowers, for all you Kdrama addicts you'd know what I'm talking about. Unbelievably cheesy and over the top yet I loved it, I was totally addicted staying up till the depths of the night watching it. And I know from my friends I'm not the only one who did this. So as the story goes, I got used to Romantic comedy Kdrama clichés but I loved it all the same. I'll outline the reasons why I liked Kdramas so much:

1) It was so cheesy and unrealistic it was almost an alternate universe to my own 
2) it was a different culture one which I knew nothing about but began to as I watched more
3) it was a bonding activity (I could talk about it with my friends)
4) it is so dramatic and over the top piling on cliché(love triangle, heir falling for poor girl...you know the drill) on cliché, as well as melodrama in everything. As you know I love emotions I believe them to be like Art so naturally I was interested in this. And I'm a hopeless romantic.

I'd say the same reasons apply even now but added to it is the fact that I'm not very busy right now. Idleness is never good is it? 

Well up until I got dissatisfied with the dramas, there nothing 'new' I suppose it's like the new feeling of clothes. It wore off, so I stopped for a while. But then I found some dramas that had interesting story lines : revenge, betrayal and so on. And so my addiction began again. But what I found is although these dramas were exciting and fast paced I found them to be kind of 'eh' at the end. Maybe because it ended? And also the endings weren't always great. But whether it was a sad or happy ending even if it had a great ending, once it's ended you realise it's just a drama. Nothing more to it. So I realised its pretty pointless, and I hate addictions, I hate anything that has control over me. So I decided to stop with dramas, because I believe Kdramas to be harmful not only for the addiction but other reasons which I will state below:

1) although it was nice learning about a new culture, Korean Culture isn't as progressed as our 'societies' what I mean by that is they still hold (not all!) racist views, in the sense that they look down on other races, and I can vouch for this as I have watched a drama that was blatantly racist (I didn't watch that drama anymore out of principle, it wasn't even good anyway!) and I have watched videos of teachers (not native ) teaching English in Korea who have said they (students )still hold very discriminatory views. I understand not everyone is going to hold the same views that's fair enough, but atleast refrain from displaying it in the dramas??

Obviously not every Korean is racist, it's just the Korean Culture values fair skin among other things which not every culture or society has (like money). Don't get me wrong even my culture is racist, (Bengali culture) the older generation still have backwards views which I totally don't agree with, but because they've been raised like that I suppose they don't see anything wrong with it. Anyway the reason I think its bad for sisters is because, for those sisters (who are like me)who are easily impressionable and influenced. May easily be influenced by Koreans standards of beauty. Now I'm not really fair, I'm a standard yellow (ha!) Asian, similar to a warm beige.. (Make up enthusiasts out there?)

So I'm not super fair, but I've always liked my skin tone. But when I started watching Korean Dramas, learning about their food, their culture, learning bits and bobs of their language, I felt like I wasn't good enough. That might be strange I mean it's not like I was marrying a Korean guy right? But I was thinking what if I did want to? What then? Then I thought what if I wanted to visit Korea, would people treat me differently?   I couldn't help but think I'm probably considered to be ugly in Korean culture. Probably not good enough.

But as time went on, I decided I don't want to be insecure, I don't want to worry about others views! I should be happy and comfortable in myself no matter how I look or what others think. 

2) it wastes time, it's addictive. How many hours I've spent watching dramas when I could've been with my mum. How many hours I've spent glued to my phone when my little sister wanted to hang out. 

I regret that, but not everyone watches dramas religiously. Some may watch it here and there, I wouldn't worry about that. I'd say this applies only if you're spending hours and hours.

3) at the end of the day it's a drama. Not reality, don't make the mistake I made. Trying to live my life through dramas (although my situation is different I went through periods of depression so I didn't know what else to do) it's only sad when you wake up to reality and you become more dissatisfied with life. I would definitely encourage something that you can do in your actual life. Whether it's religiously learning about a topic or learning a language, it's good to have a hobby! However use time wisely and be smart. Do not keep yourself cooped up. Spend time with family and relax. I used to my obsessed with witches in my second year of college. I used to read books about witches, watch movies etc. but it didn't take over my life. Id just dress like a witch and that was it, it was something quirky and fun. Try something like that out. If you feel life is a bit boring or uninteresting. 

I've now decided I'm going to spend my time reading all the books I got from the library. That is better for me. Not only to educate myself but to help me be who I used to be before all these dramas. (And the Kdramas!) 

I feel sorry for all the time I've wasted.
And I feel like I've come to an understanding of  Kdramas. I don't feel any need to watch them and I don't feel they are important in my life (yes pathetically I did feel the need before). But I'm not resentful to Kdramas (if that's possible) I can nod my head when I see them around and even smile. I know what we had was special at the time and I acknowledge they helped me, but I've come to a better place now, where they don't fit in. 

(This was all thanks to Bad Guy, which was very disappointing and weird towards the end, which made me rethink my love for dramas! I think I realised, dramas create emotion through scenes and actors, they are not real ((which was the reason I watched it, I loved the melo drama the way it made me feel (((hopeless romantic here))) about love and betrayal) it seems obvious but I really believed in it, but I realised when skipping scenes (waiting for the ending) I was cutting off emotion and the effect it had on me, which left the drama powerless in my eyes. Also I'd like to add that even before this particular epiphany, the illusion and naivety I had of Kdramas when I first started had long worn off, I saw many flaws and clichés looking back at previous dramas, I realised it wasn't that great long before ((maybe I was trying to hold onto it)), which my friends agreed with after looking back at Heirs, thus my perception of Kdramas had already been destroyed little by little, this was probably the last little chip that needed to be hacked off!)

Sunday, 21 February 2016

Inspo me to Worko


Let me ask you, who's your inspiration?


... And your motivation?


... And let's not forget drive?

Endless words I could ask you including determination, passion, ambition, the list is infinite!

What makes you want to achieve great and big things? Makes you reach up to the sky and take a chunk of the sky out?
Makes you live way up in the golden castle of clouds?

Is there anything? Is it survival? I've never been a person who's been extremely motivated, or driven. I just do what I do. I've always lacked self confidence but I believe I gain more everyday since I've acknowledged it.

My sister was talking to me about how she has a little voice in her head that tells her to go further, to keep going and never stop. The voice that holds high expectations of her makes her want to prove herself. (To herself...)

I think we all need that, we need drive to push ourselves, to be better, because I'm telling you, yeah you. You could be a hell of a lot better than you are now, that article you want to submit to your college/university paper that could help your writing career? Go and submit it, stop thinking and thinking, and worrying and for once just do it, ruthlessly, daringly believe in yourself and believe in your ability!

That promotion you want? Go and get it, go and fight for it! Anything you can think of, that you want but you're not because of those seconds of thinking, or those doubts, you better stop and go and get it! No matter what it takes, you can do it!

We, are the stay up nighters, the all for one fighters and the don't-stop-till-you're-there (no more rhyming 
words left) ...kinda guys and gals. 

So stop doubting, stop thinking
 and try!

Anything is possible, just take a leap of faith! 


Thursday, 21 January 2016

Little things add up

Something I realised a while ago but forgot to write down, is that little sins eventually turn into a big sin. 

Let's say for example you pray and engage in daily worship, heck you don't just do it, you like doing it. But then you still occasionally talk to guys in class, you guys sometimes hang out, although there's no feelings or whatever you wann say you do feel a little bad at times.

What is so IMPORTANT , is that you cut off all sins. No matter how small, you should stop. I'm telling you even if you hold no feelings, you either will, or they will, or some drama or another will arise form this friendship, for the sake of Allah leave it. 

You don't realise how all these little sins build up, and eventually turn into one big sin. So avoid it, be strict with yourself and don't think 'it's harmless'.


Sunday, 3 January 2016

It's not only the little things

As I've mentioned a lot, I believe it's important to be less excited about the Dunya and more about Islam, there are a number of ways you can do this.

Firstly by getting excited about things in Islam. Like Friday's- (yes it's the end of the week) but it's also Jummah and a day where we should try to make lots of dua to Allah particularly between asr and Maghreb. Also a good day to groom ourselves and givecharity -a day solely for contemplation.

Also how about optional fasting I think this helps you to be more grateful about small things because you are grateful for food and you are more conscious of Allah. 

Attending talks aswell as reading Islamic books that are thought provoking, keeping yourself busy with exercise as well as maybe brushing up on tajweed.

The sole aim is to make yourself happier with simple things. Simple things from Islam, that way you are more appreciative. 

I am aware it is more easier to talk about when you have free time on your hands. But if you don't have as much time as me( if you're a college uni or full time worker) you could just try optional fasting because that doesn't require time. And I'd say if you can, attend Jummah but if you can't you can still do the sunnahs of Friday. 

You also can read thought provoking books to and from journeys as for excercise I think it's important for your mental wellbeing so even once a week or 20minutes a day in the morning or something would definitely help.

Also prayer- when we pray we should make an effort to look nice. As in adorn a nice abaya maybe put some attor on (not on a abaya you wear out) use miswak make sure you're prayer mat is on something soft like a blanket unless you have a carpet so you're not touching down on hard ground. Maybe light a nice smelling candle- make your room nice and warm... That's what I do anyway and it puts me in a good mood to pray and I feel much more concentrated and excited to pray. 

I remember when I was in college I had this problem with praying. I was so focused on my work I couldn't completely give my attention to prayer but it is really important to forget worldly matters when praying so you can really connect with Allah. Otherwise it's pointless. Just think about it like this whatever revision or homework that needs doing will still be there after prayer you thinking about it is simply aiding Shaytan in his motive to distract you- and in order to really be successful in your affairs, you must trust in God and pray to Him instead of worrying or dwelling. 

Well that's all....

So wasalaam 

Some smelling dwelling

So I realised that over time it got harder to practise Islam, not like the basics but to really perfect my character. I realised that this was inevitable,( as I already talked about ) but I also realised that to help perfect my character I needed motivation and a good mood to which there are many different therapies for.

Like pets, pets are said to be therapeutic and as a Muslim the only one that comes to mind is a cat but as my brother really hates cats I don't know if I'll be allowed maybe when I get married... 

Also I've found babies are quite calming and relaxing- usually helps with my mood. As well as the use of incense and scented candles like the other day I bought a jasmine and gardenia candle and it smells divine and it honestly does help me feel more positive. I also bought lemon lavender and Kilimanjaro stars (fresh mountain smell) candles from Yankee Candles. I love anything that smells natural or fresh.

I also bought a few oils. Like Ylang ylang and miroamia? Oil from Holland and Barrett which have a very relaxing smell , I usually apply them and try to meditate or wear a face mask (Korean face sheets are the best, particularly pure source and holika holika) with calming music -really helps to relax and take away stress. Especially someone who worries a lot.

I also bought lavender bath bars from Lush and lavender is meant to be good for mood so that helped as well. I basically surround myself in nice smells because I'm very big on smells- smells can instantly help my mood and make me feel motivated.

I also bought some vitamins because I often feel tired so I've been having vitamin b12, vitamin D, folic acid and valerian root (helps anxiety and sleep) which has helped me I do feel more energetic and I don't get anxious as much. And because I love lotions I bought a few smelling lotions and rose water... 

So see what you think, you may not be big on smells but you never know. Most people are I think, you may see a difference in your attitude but more likely people with anxiety will benefit. 



Often I try to think of ways to begin a post without it being too forced. But then me even thinking about it is a little forced...

Well anyway I've been thinking about this Dunya and how easy it is to be attached to it. Not even in an overt way like being money driven or obsessed with fashion but even like possessive over your things- that to me is attached to the Dunya.

What I mean is we should get to a point where we have no 'belongings' they are ours of course but we have no sadness when we lose them or even if someone else wants them. 

I believe when you truly detach yourself from everything, items, aspirations and so on you feel more able to concentrate on Allah. That is not to say we can't like having things or having aspirations but we should feel no regret not having them because Allah should be enough. 

It's just reliance on God really, when you have nothing you can't leave- you are really a stranger in this world aren't you? And we are meant to be strangers aren't we?

I found an awesome quote to sum it up, from our beloved prophet (SAW) 'I have nothing to do with this world. The parable of me and this world is like a rider who rests in the shade of a tree , then he passes on it and leaves it" 

-narrated by At Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah