Monday, 13 June 2016

Busy bee

I'm not the best writer but maybe if I put more effort into it id be a bit better. I tutor in English so I should really have better grammar but who cares. Anyway I wanted to share some advice for Ramadan.

In Ramadan I usually feel very sluggish and tired which means I do very little. But recently I've been doing a lot and being a hell of a lot more productive. I try to wake early and do some cleaning, do a bit of theory revision and studying for nursing (I rarely do this I always feel like an hour or two of work a day is me done for the day)   Then I'll cook. The day goes by fast like that if I'm not cooking I got out to the library or park or just anywhere really. 

I feel like when we do things with our days instead of making ourselves feel like we deserve to sit around because we are fasting, our day feels better lived and more fulfilling.

I've been doing this anyway but I've found in Ramadan it's helpful too. 


Saturday, 11 June 2016

To infinity and beyond

Now I'm probably one of the worst people to give advice about confidence because up until recently I had like zero self confidence. But that has been changing.

Doing these things that I'm going to mention below has really helped me develop more confidence. People who just want a bit more confidence can also benefit I hope.

First: get rid of your negative thoughts, don't allow yourself to wonder about how people will react and so on.

Second: don't think before you act! Confident people usually just do it they don't think. (Very similar to first one but it's not really negative thoughts it's just thinking in general) and don't think about it after either! 

Third: coax yourself out of your comfort zone as often as you can. Don't like sitting in crowded places? Do it! Don't like running by yourself? Do it!

Fourth: relax!! Just relax! Take a breather and calm down. Whenever you feel nervous or anxious. We are all just people at the end of the day. All just people. 

Fifth: take little steps! And don't ever beat yourself up about something you didn't do for example you wanted to talk to the stranger but you didn't! So what! Another day! 

Sixth: realise that people think less about you than you think about yourself! Honestly!!

Last one: appreciate and believe in yourself. Stand up for your beliefs and don't doubt yourself! You are confident! You are beautiful! 

Life is so much better lived when you're not scared all the time. When you're just living and relaxing. (Most people aren't scared I suppose it was just me hahha) 

Monday, 6 June 2016

Updating my Anxiety

So in recent months I've been a lot happier, for my fellow anxiety readers, I feel as though it's so much easier to feel down, as it is our own negative reasoning that makes us feel inadequate. It tells us we can't do this and we can't do that- fear driven by our worst enemy, ourselves.

However I have discovered things that have helped me and may help you too, and may help those who just need a bit more happiness in their lives. I've started giving myself routine- so I wake up early and do things like brush my hair( then try to do a hairstyle although my hair is quite short)  make my bed, pray (if need be) and have breakfast. I always try to also have two glasses of water before every meal to help me eat less and get more water. 

I try and make a different breakfast every day that's relatively healthy. So one day I might have porridge and toast along with fruit. Another day I might have tuna sandwiches and pancakes (I eat weird combinations) it makes it more fun for me I suppose. And then I usually clean and get cooking.

Now when I cook I usually wear an apron just for fun. I think for people who are depressed or anxious routine really helps it gives you stability and motivation. I've also tried to do more things I enjoy like going library wearing cute tops at home (it's the little things!!) and generally keep myself busy. 

I've also started reaching towards m goals, my own personal ones. And I've read for people with anxiety it's good to do this, to try and meet you own goals to make yourself feel like you're doing well. For me I needed to start my theory and I put it off for ages but I just thought no I'm going to do it and so I started revising for it.

What I also did is anytime anything freaked me out or I felt pressured in any way- I had a little talk with myself. Like calm the hell down its not a big deal! 

But the most important thing I have done is changing my mentality and erasing negative thoughts. Anytime I start thinking I can't do this, or what if they think this I just say no! And I just think I can I can. We don't realise it but our subconscious has a huge hold on our we react to events in our daily lives. The way our minds operates is undoubtedly affected by our attitudes. You just have to believe in yourself! And you have to be strict really strict! Never let bad thoughts in they don't go away! Only positive ! 

And of course rely on God and pray he makes it easy for you.

P.s Ramadan Mubarak! 

Saturday, 4 June 2016

Vindication of the rights of women

ISince I was about 18 I've had a longing to get married. To complete 'half my seen', to be appreciated and admired. Along with idealistic expectations of love I thought marriage was so wonderful. As I grew up I focused more on the messes I created in my life, but now at 20 the topic of marriage has arisen once again, my mum tells me in three or four years time we can start looking for a husband. 

And at first I was open to it, I didn't mind, shamefully I still had unrealistic expectations of marriage. But then I took a good look at those around me who had been married, men around me. And I realised for me, marriage was not the best thing.

You already know it's a been a year since I've been coping with my anxiety and I can proudly say I'm doing well, but I don't want to just do well I want to be great. I want to be a confident young woman who achieves things, who makes a difference, and marriage can't help me with that im afraid. 

I have a desire to volunteer abroad to study abroad to experience life's challenges! I want to live independently, I don't want to be confined by my culture or by a man. I don't want a man to tell me I can't do this I can't do that, because I honestly don't need that, I need can in my life, I need keep going. 

I need to be happy with myself, and I am but I have so much more to do. What I've realised is men are usually very happy to control and excercise power over women but don't like it when it's about them. I'm sorry but I don't need that in my life- I don't need someone dictating my every move. I don't need to constantly attend to his needs.

I'm not about the life where I am his housemaid, don't get me wrong I love being a homemaker just not with a husband involved. I hate the idea of stereotypical roles- women should empower themselves! Work on yourself, it's the greatest investment, investing time into another person is risky- there's a risk they can leave you. 

There's a piece that mary woolenstonecraft wrote about women involving marriage titled a vindication the rights of women and it's superb! It basically talks at length about women's right in society- poltically, morally, socially and so on. She hits the nail on the head what is funny is even in 21st century society in the Asian community among many Muslim girls we still see the end goal of our lives as marriage. We are building our lives up to that point, but why sisters? Marriage is not do or die. We have so much more in our lives! 

I'm not saying don't ever get married (how wonderful it'd be though!) but be realistic please. Be pragmatic look for things like financial stability and family - and don't always bend over backwards sacrificing thinking its in the name of religion. Having standards does not mean you are arrogant. Don't be so flimsy women! 

Just read my mate Mary's piece she is the fo shizzle. 
  How much more respectable is the woman who earns her own bread by fulfilling any duty, than the most accomplished beauty!—beauty did I say!—so sensible am I of the beauty of moral loveliness, or the harmonious propriety that attunes the passions of a well-regulated mind, that I blush at making the comparison; yet I sigh to think how few women aim at attaining this respectability by withdrawing from the giddy whirl of pleasure, or the indolent calm that stupefies the good sort of women it sucks in.

If you are confused by her style of writing as she was an 18th century writer I'll make it a bit clearer. She's simply saying women should make something more of themselves rather than relying on their beauty and give themselves greater importance- if you want a more relevant reference take Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman (I know she was a hooker) she decides at the end she wants to make something more of herself and educate herself! Or even Gilmore Girls when Rory decides that she doesn't want the guy (forgot his name) but instead wants to travel as part of her journalist thing.

This is only a small part of her vindication I'll post the link where you can find it. I know she's a feminist and activist and although I can't be a feminist really as I'm a Muslim, I still have strong tendencies towards it. It makes so much sense! 

As girls we should empower ourselves and work on ourselves rather than simply get married (as if that's helps anything!) and even if we do get married eventually we should be realistic and pragmatic and not be swept by our emotions. 

Just to let you know her book is really long but read what you can, I think I might purchase the book actually. Anyway I wanted to leave you with another quote from the book.

To persuade women to endeavour to acquire strength, both of mind and body, and to convince them that the soft phrases, susceptibility of heart, delicacy of sentiment, and refinement of taste, are almost synonimous [sic] with epithets of weaknes