Skip to main content

Cross roads

Its a sad truth that I have to face and that is I have jitters from coffee. I think the reason is because I had super strong coffee in a small mug with a tiny amount of milk. This jittery feeling has reminded me of another sad reality.

The sad reality is that there are times in my life when I feel ashamed or dismissive about Islam. I feel like there are times when i dont want to be reminded about Islam. I do desire to be peaceful in my religion, but right now i feel like i am not worthy because of how neglectful i am. Because of all the dismissive thoughts i have. How i feel like Islam makes everything serious and i long for a carefree life with my delusions in a fantasy world with wizards and werewolves.

These jitters make me feel even worse. Its like a drug you know if you have too much strong coffee.

Im sorry. I dont know who to. To God, to myself. I dont know whats going on. I just know I am in between cross roads. Crossroads with myself, with my thoughts. I am sorry.

Its this darn coffee. Actually who am i kidding. Its me. Eternally conflicated.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The most important daily habit

 Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,  After a very long time I came across my blog once again and I decided I wanted to write something that I hope will benefit you inshaAllah.   I have found memorizing quran to be something I consistently struggle with mainly keeping a habit of it. Here are some tips I have found that helped me to make progress in my memorisation.   1. Think about the importance of the Quran, we know as muslims it is divine guidance so why would we not want to read and memorise it? The more we memorise the more we can use in our salah which should also help with our khushoo too inshaAllah.  This particularly helps if you are falling short of doing it daily, I know I have slacked and completely stopped memorizing for a while but when I really think about how important it is I make it a priority to do it.  2. Set a daily timer for it, build up to 30mins maybe start with 10mins the point is to be consistent as we know the consistent actions are the most beloved
Post a Comment
Read more

Delay

Apologies for delay in posting, been having a struggle within myself. Will post an article soon or something else, please forgive me. 
2 comments
Read more

I'm changing

I'm beginning to see that it's not that hard to change, well it is and it isn't.. What I mean is, comparing myself a couple of months ago and now, a lot has changed in terms of my mentality and my positivity. But I cannot say it was easy, at first even I was stumped at how I did it. Because I had tried(as you know) many times to become closer to God and failed on numerous occasions ( in my eyes) but alhamdulilah alhamdulilah I've been getting closer to it than ever before, and I realised its a lot to do with my actual faith in God not only do I need tawaqul (rememberance) of God but I also need to do this in action. And this. This is so important I think I forgot the different/the line/ the actuality of the situation I kept confusing my laziness, etc. and so on with my own personality and every time I did something I myself didn't approve of I wouldn't correct myself which in the past I would, it's so important to mould the Islamic personality to whatever de
Post a Comment
Read more