Sunday, 29 January 2017
Saturday, 28 January 2017
The ugly grey thing in our heads.
Somehow not everyone has the same organisation, I might call it, in our heads. Those with mental health do not anyway. (Yes its that time again) they have a range of thought disorder from abnormal beliefs; delusions, grandiosity etc to disorganised thinking including going off topic and loosening of association this means they are more likely to talk about unrelated topics (or it may appear unrelated to you, but in their head it may have a connection) they are more likely to discuss things that are unrealistic (or it may appear to you) but what I find is when we look at it, we aren't really all that different. We just call it different things.
Tuesday, 24 January 2017
Sunday, 22 January 2017
How many of us think those with mental health conditions are in some way not normal?
You wouldn't be wrong, I mean by definition normal is c o n f o r m i n g , u s u a l , t y p i c a l , the most boring words I've ever heard in my life and I haven't been alive long (that's saying something). Normal is definitely not someone who has a mental health condition. They are not normal.
In fact they don't even think normally! Their thoughts are so different to someone who's normal,
the shared norms and values we are socialised (or as I like to think of it, brainwashed) to believe in ultimately make us feel justified to feel superior to any other norm or value- and that folks is the reason why we find those who don't follow norms and values abnormal ergo mentally unwell people.
Now, I would like to tell you my friend, we are friends right? we've known eachother long enough so don't leave me hanging, most of us are unwell probably more often than we like to admit. (You're not kidding anybody, bill) So infact we are all pretending we follow these 'norms' when we don't even really, stuck in this contorted reality that makes us look down on others and stupidly ourselves aswell.
Let me break it down for you, mentally unwell people like those with Schizophrenia may not have had the same upbringing as someone from a stable background (parents, education etc.) that is why they may have difficulty inferring meanings or social expectations this can sometimes lead to them acting in a 'bizarre' way, for instance a question as simple as 'how is everything?' to you and I it might be asking how are you, youre family, your general living etc. but to someone who is mentally unwell their understanding may be anything from how is your hygiene to how the world is therefore they may break off into a tangent, but to be fair, I totally get where they are coming from, everything is bloody vague , what kind of a question is that! and anyway I would like a more comprehensive answer, its refreshing once in a while, from the boring reserved British 'fine' or 'good, thanks'.
What it is, essentially, is a need for society to make themselves feel better, like they fit in, deep inside we are all worried we are not good enough or we are not normal. We are moral threats to society.
each and every one of us.
And who's in charge? Well you are. You are in charge of yourself. It starts with you, I suppose.
Thursday, 19 January 2017
I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me?
I don't even wanna say it but the reality is I'm not as despondent as I appear. I'm not even as weak as I make out to be. I underestimate myself so much I end up believing the lies. I'm sorry it came to this but the truth is I'm great. And the people I meet, yikes they're even greater, I've learnt so much from those around me, and it's time I start to make the most out of it. I could probably get through what I'm dealing with now a lot more easily if I didn't spoil myself so much.
See the thing is, I think we all get like this. We all forget how good we have it. (Not every case) some of us (like me) have no reason to be confused or sad, but we are, because we are faking our weaknesses (in our minds) so we need to stop and start being awesome. (Hey Barney Stinson)
Im so silly, anytime it's a little bit tough I say "you don't deserve this, princess, let's go, right now" and that's it. It's that stupid reasoning of me being treated like a gold member a VIP and in fact I'm not a VIP, hey let's not take it out of context, it's good to be VIP once in a while, but sometimes it's good to take the dirt, roll in it if you want, but take the damn dirt for once, stop saying 'im a princess' you'll never experience life if you live like a princess, and unfortunately life will always be hard, so you either suck it up now or forever be a pompous potatoe!
And trust me, noone wants to be a potatoe, especially not a pompous one!
Here's to not being pompous potatoes! (Let's raise a glass of water, here here)
And....That's a wrap folks.
Tuesday, 17 January 2017
How does one survive a 12hr shift you might ask? Well nurses do it everyday and they make it look easy (some do some don't) I'm compiling a list of how to get through the toughest days of my life. Maybe I'm exaggerating slightly I only find the mornings difficult but anyway, without further ado I present the toughest survival guide in history:
1) wear comfortable shoes. Don't try and look cute like me just wear the ugly shoes.
2) try out medical socks. I'm planning on buying these to see if they help. Other students swear by it, so we'll put it to the test!
3) be organised. Prepare outfit,lunch etc. the day before.
4)do things that you enjoy like reading, watching dramas etc. Be yourself I suppose. The reason I mention this is when we get all stressed out or under pressure we focus on that and forget the things we enjoy which does not help the situation!
5) talk to others in the same situation. Chat to them, cry about it and let it all out!
6) try and exercise all negativity away.
7) remember your goals and read inspirational quotes to keep you going. I like rocky balboas speech I think it has spunk.
8) please don't wake up so early. If you need half an hour you don't need to wake up 1 hour earlier, don't make your life longer than it has to be.
I don't have anymore. So I don't know if it's definite but the plan is to try and stick with university. I'm praying it goes well.
Sunday, 15 January 2017
The reality is until I become my confident and have higher self esteem I am going to be this way for a long time. I'm working on it, I suppose, it's one of those things where you accept yourself and work with what you have until slowly by slowly you get a little more of yourself, it slowly unravels and then sooner or later you are whole again.
Why is it, that inorder to give up, move on or change direction in life you need some big great experience to make it justifiable to those around us? You don't have to have experienced something terrible like a death, you don't have to have worked yourself into the ground, you don't have to have lost who you are to want to leave. You can leave anytime you want, just make sure you do want to and you're not leaving in the moment.
I think giving up is great. It takes real courage to give up and acknowledge that this is not working and maybe a new chapter needs to be opened. But it is also courageous to keep going and try and see if it just needs time. I think both are courageous because they both take confidence in your decisions. They both need you to put your foot down and stop listening to others. Noone else lives your life for you, if only it were that simple, when people say "don't give up, it's only a few months" or "you need to work harder" if only you could say you live my life for me then, if it's that simple.
Ultimately the decision is your own so regardless of who is saying it to you you need to be confident in what you think and what you say. It never is simple. Because as much as someone wants to continue or not continue, the way the person is, their mentality, their priorities will always override how able they are to carry out their decisions.
I prioritise my sanity, more often than not I feel a little bit insane. I'm using this word loosely because I know it's associated with mental health but in all honesty I think everyone is insane. So carry on with your judgements or sneering if you wish.
I don't know if anyone has ever been so confused. In the middle of two paths. Maybe a president or a politician, seems like a very accurate comparison.
Well anyway, I am off.
Saturday, 14 January 2017
I found this study online thats looking for participants, and I was thinking why don't I partake? It seems quite interesting to be honest and you get paid in vouchers. Thats totally unrelated but anyway I think sometimes its easy to think, that when you're old, or 'older' you should automatically know what you are going to do, in fact I think it is the most scariest thing leaving everything you know, leaving all stability, and what do you know, I went and done that. I left stability because I think theres something better for me out there, somewhere, I hope.
I certainly thought, maybe I still do, deep down that having a career, or a job is the next step of being an adult, its the token of being an adult, like youre finally moving down the yellow brick road to destiny. Then comes marriage and the baby in the carriage (yeah right!) but in all seriousness I think sometimes, we forget that the notion of stability doesnt come from a career or a social expectation in society, it comes from within ourselves and our conviction in God. Ive been thinking about this and realising this too.
I think for the most part, I'm confused, but content, and trying to get closer to God.
Saturday, 7 January 2017
But even then, these words seem silly. I am just once again, at crossroads.