So I made a decision recently. And to this day I'm still unsure of whether it was the right one. That's the thing isn't it? How do you know that this path is the right path? That this is the path of good and great things? I guess you don't. You just take risks and carve a way out for yourself.
God. I love it. I love not knowing what's going on it's so different and unconventional and daring. In a world where rules govern society isn't it amazing to forget them? To live freely? To forget what others expect and just jump off that cliff? I went to climb Mount Snowdon the other day and it was o beautiful and refreshing and I thought wht if life could just be about living these experiences and being in awe of life and the nature that surrounds us?
Some may think it's an excuse that I'm just lazy and I'll say anything to excuse getting out of hard work. Which if I'm honest you might be right. But so what, as long as I live ,I want my life to be about happiness and contentment and focusing on things that are important to me. I don't want to live my life regretting the time I wasted, or the career that died when I died. I guess you could say I had some sort of an epiphany.
I left university, that's the big thing. And my tutor had a go at me, she was hella annoyed. Oh well. I need time to focus on God and my spirituality, I think I need my whole life for it. Not just a little bit of time. I don't want sadness and yeah it might be that I can learn to adapt and manage life better but I trust my instincts and I know when things aren't working. I know God wanted me to do Mental Health Nursing and I'm sorry for not being able to impact people with mental health issues it might not be the time for me.
I felt like I was going against my fate when I did istikhara twice for this and both times I felt positive signs and dreams to stay in it, and now I've left. But ive come to realise it might not be that it was my fate forever it might have been my fate for a while. I'm not sure, as for fate if I've left have I altered my fate to a bad one? If I had stayed would it have been a better one?
I have absolutely no clue. And I suppose there's no point in thinking about it either. I've been reading more. I feel better.