Sunday, 14 May 2017

Happy music

Life takes us through so many hurdles, so many journeys so many discoveries of ourselves. Do we ever just sit and think about how we came to be the person that we are now?

I know I have been through a whirlwind of different personalities, different phases, feelings, thoughts, dreams. However I have remained somewhat constant- what I admire about myself is that I believe in myself (not necessarily my abilities) but I believe and support my actions regardless, and ... I'm glad I have strong principles, I guess it makes me who I am. Despite what I've had to sacrifice for them.

Over the years I've always wondered who I'd be. In fact when I was younger I would dream of how I would be when I was older. (Older being past 20's)

I'd imagine I would magically transform into this strong, independent, accomplished woman. And it would somehow come to be at this magical transition to adulthood. Oh how I would tell myself it's not that simple. Life is not that simple. We never lose ourselves as we get older, as much we change and grow there's always a little part of us that remains young and inspired, young and naive, young and childish. I have changed in a better more positive way. I've realised many things which I want to share with you now. First of all:

If you believe in something, religious or non religious, if you believe it's right then stick to it. Personally I'm glad I've stuck to what I believe in, makes me feel confident in my beliefs.

Second, never ever. Ever. Let someone tell you who you are, what you are, don't let someone put you down. As many faults we as humans have, no one has the right to make us feel bad about it (to an extent they may, if for example you did something horrendous like beat someone up) especially if you are working on it yourself. What I'm trying to say is, love yourself dear, love yourself like noone else ever could. Damn, I went through so much self-hate and low self esteem because of other people, I don't want anyone else to go through that.

Surround yourself in positivity and positive people who encourage, support and love you for you.

Find out what you like. What I've learnt over these few years is that things I always dismissed by saying 'thats not me' or 'im not that kinda person' but never really trying has made me miss so many wonderful opportunities! Girl, or boy, you don't know what you like! Not yet, we always grow, give it a go! I always thought I wasn't a fundraising kinda girl,  but I realised I don't like the boring money bucket raising and I don't really like interacting with other volunteers all the time, but that is exactly why fundraising challenges were the right path for me! I am in control of it and it's a fun way to raise money for great causes! Same with my mental health nursing, I always knew I liked mental health but I didn't know anything about nursing, I'm glad I did it, I learnt more about mental health and it made me less ignorant ALHAMDULILAH for less ignorance in the world #fightignorancelikeitsyourenemy my point is don't write things off. Please for your own growth don't ever write things perhaps even people.

If you get down easily, let's say you're in depression right now. What I've learnt about myself is, I get down easily, I get demotivated easily. When we want motivation we should take SMALL steps to our goals. Small steps are the best. They ease you in to the goal. Always start small. Finding it difficult to wake up before noon, set your alarm five to ten minutes earlier. And increase every day. You can do it! I personally am demotivated right now in this phase of life. 

I like to read so I encourage as much reading as I can, and I also like fundraising so I'm planning to do more of that. I guess I'm trying to help myself slowly. Eventhough my body is saying faster faster mentally im feeling foggy, so im taking it slow.

Generally I'm a solitary person with my biggest companion being myself. I find most people don't understand me. I do have a rare friend that really gets me. She's great. I wish I could see her more. But most people don't get me. So I guess I become very sarcastic and horrid (in my head) towards others, yes it's not great , yes I should change that, you try being in a world where no one understands you, it sucks ok!

Anyway my point is, there is a point I swear! Even if you aren't a solitary person find comfort in yourself and if you are cherish and nurture your own company, reason being so you can rely less on others and achieve your own dreams.

I didn't realise I had so many dreams that relied on other people. Like the movie how to be single showed, we shouldn't rely on someone else. For me, I've always wanted to drive to the beach when no one else is around and just be hypnotized by the sea.

I want to hike more often up mountains, and run marathons (for charities) and swim better. I want to volunteer abroad and read more, learn more! I want to write more and publish my work inshaAllah. I want to impact people in any way, small or big, I want my life to have meaning to those around me. I want to dispel my own stereotypes and rid my own ignorance, I want to be more, I want to be better.

So you know what I want to do, and maybe you should think about what you want to do! I'm taking driving lessons inshaAllah my dreams, slowly but surely they'll come true, with my own help.

I guess with me, I love being in awe, being grateful (not that I am always) and learning about myself. Recently I've discovered I'm a lot more jealous, anti-social, ignorant, possessive than I thought I was. I also have plans on becoming a better me rid of these (hopefully as least of them as possible please!) Qualities.

I have so much to learn from others, I have realised that too. How to be, how to react, in a way that's understanding and loving. I always say this to myself as a joke, but you guys can hear seeing as I love you guys, inside my head I always say 'im everyone's mother, obviously with me I'm either super loving to people (you can't always see it overtly) or I'm a super hater. I have issues, deal with it.

But most of the time I care a lot about everyone around me (excuse the ones who are not willing to change, if for example they committed a crime ) and I always pray for them in my head. I guess I'm more of a 11yr old mother to everyone. In the sense that I have mood swings with my so-called-children.

It's not meant to be weird btw. It's just something I say to myself when I fret about people. One time I think a guy was crossing on the road and he nearly got hit by a car and I was like 'what is he doing! Doesn't he know I'm so worried!' and then I laughed to myself thinking I'm everyone's mother.

Okay excuse my weirdness. Anyway those are some things I've learnt. I'm unemployed right now. Looking for work. Yup. I'm not unhappy though I'm content. Alhamdulilah.

That was random. This blog has evolved have you realised? I used to be so strict with my topics and not personal information etc. But please you guys are my readers, you need to know me to love me! (Psyche!)

Anyway I'm off, assalamualaikum .

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