Tuesday, 15 August 2017

Well done

There's an incredible feeling when you run
Not at the beginning right at the end
The moment when you know you're nearly finished if you're like me you like a big dramatic finish to your run so you run speedily, like lightning almost as fast as Usain Bolt. In those moments I certainly feel like my legs could take me anywhere, like they're not my legs, but a machine that doesn't stop until I say so. The out-of-breath collapsing feeling after youre finished is great too. You're done. You win.

Yes you win, because you set out to run and you did
Well done.

Sunday, 13 August 2017


One minute you're thinking you're gonna spend the rest of your life with this person. Planning little things, imagining how this will be how that'll be. And suddenly in the blink of an eye- they're gone. Wiped from your memory almost. Like they never existed. It's hard to even grasp their physical presence. It's hard to even imagine that they were a part of your life. It's weird isn't it? How absence can grow mold on memories how it can wither away, how the brain can just try to forget (because you told it to) and all those feelings and emotions once so passionate, and do or die, are now floating in the back of your mind, how funny is it, that something so serious to us can become so insignificant to us so instantaneously? (For some)

The thing I keep really thinking is- what does it all really mean? Does it mean that it meant nothing? Was it all superficial feelings with no substance? Or is it the brain's desperate attempt at denial? A form of protection to our fragile heart?  If it did mean nothing what are feelings then? Do they mean nothing? Are they just for the time being, the live-in-the-moments?

I guess I have no clue. But I'd like to think my feelings aren't as silly and schoolgirl/boy like as they appear to be, that deep down my head is deciding that in order to cope in order to move forward in order to accept a decision that the other CHOSE we (my head and my heart) must go on, with or without them, because survival isn't an option, it's coercion, and therefore my brain is purposefully choosing to erase and choosing to shut down. Which I can't fault my brain on that, it's only doing what it knows best. So you keep going brain, you do what you know. And I'll do what I know and together we can help my heart overcome this. 

Thank you

I've been going on a journey- a journey to a better self. A higher version of who I am or who I can be. I've been doing more and just generally more happier. It's also made me think how life doesn't have to be riches and luxury to be enjoyable simply being happy with what you have and not comparing lives is enough. I've been being more thankful in life. Or trying to be. Trying to say thanks more- to God, to people, to everything. Thank you world for everything you bring and everything I've taken. Thank you God for my brilliant mind and me being content with my own company.

Saturday, 5 August 2017

Jordan Catalano

This is Jordan Catalano

That guy who you never really understood
but somehow he was so mysterious
and intriguing
you somehow found yourself admiring

or hes the idiot bad boy in school
that you liked because he defied expectations

Jordan for me represented my first real experience (interaction) with a guy
hes so similar to Jordan its weird

I saved Jordan Catalano as my wallpaper, somehow I like his character eventhough hes so unbelievably dense, I think he has something
hes a nice guy underneath it all